Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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