when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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