She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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