He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
