I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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