Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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