drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize