I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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