im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize