One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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