that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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