my soul wont recognize me after tonight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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