I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize