i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize