I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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