my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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