Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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