Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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