Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize