I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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