I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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