My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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