Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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