So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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