I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize