I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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