If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's shark week go big or go home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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