the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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