you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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