Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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