she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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