Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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