Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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