my phone needs a breathalizer
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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