I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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