Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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