I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize