The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize