Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize