I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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