I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize