Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize