I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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