my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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