Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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