You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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