I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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