I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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