It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there is glitter all over my balls
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