the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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