I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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